‘This is your captain speaking. We’re currently travelling at an altitude of……’ Who cares?! I really don’t! I don’t want to know our altitude, speed or the temperature outside. I don’t care about our flight path (unless it’s through a war zone) or who the co pilot is. I just want to start my movie and relax. Thanks for letting us know we can’t smoke on the plane- we haven’t been able to for a considerable amount of time now! Instead of telling us all this useless information, here are some flight/flying rules that the general public could really benefit from., thank you captain!
1. Travel clothing- track suits and thongs have no place on a fight. This isn’t your living room, it’s public transport, not a lounge so behave appropriately. Sneakers and jeans are also not permitted. No, Jerry, no. This isn’t Seinfeld, we all want to be comfortable. You need to walk from the gate to the taxi rank, not run a marathon. The hostesses generally look immaculate and are well presented. Show them some respect and look decent.
2. Hygiene- wash your hair before you leave home, cut your nails and please wear deodorant!
3. Personal space- be patient, but don’t take an hour to put your gear away and sit down. Whilst waiting please don’t get up my arse. No part of me wants to feel your breath on my body. There’s no point in pushing. There is plenty if room for everyone, on the plane, in your seat, at the carousel and whilst boarding.
4. Leave shoes on unless replacing with clean plane socks
5. Security checks- just dress appropriately- no knee high boots, jingle jangles or heavy metal.
6. Fight or flight behaviour- don’t kick, use for support or ram things down the back of my chair. Don’t cough behind me. Don’t try to steal seats. Put your carryon baggage above your seat, not mine. Don’t move my overhead luggage. Smile, be curtious, use manners and be patient. And watch the safety demonstration. Failure to follow these simple inflight rules may end in a fight!
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This is Your Captain Speaking…..
09 Thursday Oct 2014
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